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Oct. 9th, 2009

Okay, so that new thing there? It kinda offends me. Yeah. People with drug addictions are not evil or beyond help. And they certainly shouldn't be starring on a new reality TV series.

Is there no justice anymore?

Aug. 25th, 2009

Because making me not have fun is the absolute worst way to try and get me to do something. It's the way that will most likely make me NOT do it.
Yes, you didn't abuse me. But, I was still abused. Because you weren't there. Because you had to do those things, I was all alone. And because of that, I'm still alone. Because of that, I'm afraid to trust. I'm afraid of not being alone. But it hurts so much... Is it any wonder that I resent that thing? Is it any wonder that I hate it, I hate it so much, that I would do anything to get away from it? That room has become a symbol of that thing. I pass by it every day and want to see it burn.

On another note... WHY IS HEARTSTATION STILL DOWN? sdsga'klgjaalkj' What the fuck.
Gods, you're asking me for relationship advice? You should know better than that by now; forget successful relationships, I haven't managed to have one relationship because I'm such a fool. I do think that, you're not going to change her. And the part of me that wants to keep you from getting hurt any further says "end it." And the part that wants to see my best friend happy says "keep it going." And the part of me that is incapable of letting go of a friend says "Don't give up." And the part of that is so, so jealous of her being able to see you, so jealous of the attention she's getting, so jealous of you two having fallen in love in the very room I sit and type these words...

If I tell you to break it off, will it seem that it's just my jealousy talking? But like we agreed before we discovered the truth, she's a lost cause. I want to tell you to stay with her, because you're both my friends and because I want to see you happy, and I want to tell you to end it because I know that it'll bring nothing but hurt in the end and because it's better to break it off now and because I am so very, very jealous. BEcause that jealousy is concealed under so many other things...

Because I cannot feel happiness for myself, I want to be able to smile for the two of you. Yet because I cannot feel happiness, I cannot stand having it around me.

So is it any wonder that I say to find the solution that is best for everyone? Perhaps for us, too, such a solution does not exist...

Leave me a comment saying "Magenta Strawberries!"
I'll respond by asking you five questions so i can get to know you better.
Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

Tag from roxas 

1. What's your favorite video game of all time?

PFFT YOU HAVE TO ASK? saksjhgsal; This should be obvious. Specifically, Days. God, WHY SO SAD NOMURA. QUIT SHARING CRACK WITH CLAMP.

2. If you could have lunch with a famous person, who would it be and why? (excuse all language barriers!)

...Pfft, I dunno. Probably one of the Squeenix people >.> I don't do much of eating lunch with anyone.

3. Have you ever been kicked out of the movie theatre before?

Nope, I'm too good for my own good. Lolol.

4. Who's your favorite character of all time? (from anime, manga, video game, movies, etc)

Axel&Xion: *duke it out while Aqua watches*
Aqua: *sigh*

My fandom, it is very conflicted.

5. Do you get along with boys or girls better?

Neither, really. Most of my friends are girls just 'cause more girls like what I like, but I'm quite the tomboy.

PS. Welcome, Zana, to being one of only two people on my flist who's posted in the last six months.


Ugh, fandom.

Spoilertastic rant about DA idiots ahead:

Okay, so earlier, on DA, I saw a picture of preggers!Xion
That's bad enough
But the ANJ said that it was for a second generation thing in which she and Riku have kids
I'll be glad about the support for my ship
At the end of her story

TLDR; Sora does not have a uterus, and Riku is not putting babies inside of it.

The thing I hate most

The thing I hate most is people who won't take control of their lives. The thing I hate most is parents who won't recognize that a sixteen year old who's still letting them make all the decisions is headed for trouble. The thing I hate most is parents who put their children down instead of lifting them up. The thing I hate most are the inferiority complexes that come of that. The reason that their children will be utterly confused when they're finally shoved out of that abusive household, and so they will gravitate towards people who will take control of them and abuse them further.

The thing I hate most is being friends with those people, and seeing them refuse to admit that they hurt and that they need help, because that's the way it's always been, or they've done fine up until this point. I hate being smart enough to see the road they're headed down, and them refusing to see it until it's too late.

I hate loving you guys enough to care, enough that I don't want to see you hurt anymore; I hate that you ignore the warning signs I clearly see, because you're so used to thinking of yourself as something to be stepped on that you can't see things any other way. I hate so much that you refuse to LISTEN. I understand that you don't want to seek help for yourselves, but I'm trying to give it anyway and you still won't take it. How frustrating do you think that is for me, as a friend?

I hate my own inability to show how much I care; to recognize how much I care; until I manage to fuck things up. The thing I hate most is my own inability to express; my own inability to follow my head before my heart. The thing I hate most is that none of you can look deep enough to see what drives my explosions; why I get so frustrated, so angry, with you. The thing I hate most is that I can see all your flaws so clearly, but I can't grasp any of my own. The thing I hate most is how you refuse to see them, or worse yet, see them and refuse to do anything about them. The thing I hate most is the knowledge of how the world works, the knowledge that you are going to continue the cycle of passive abuse, and that unlike my determination to not follow in my parents' footsteps, the knowledge that you don't have the will to fight it and are just going to go willingly and continue the cycle.

The thing I hate most is speaking and not having you hear what I'm trying to say.

So next time, please listen.

Jun. 22nd, 2009

Seems that Ban (real name omitted) is another twin of mine; she's reacting to whatever's happening to her much the same way I do, bottling it all up til she explodes.


At least I don't have people telling me to die, right?

...Seriously, what are some of these parents thinking... If you didn't want to go through the trouble, why did you have children?!




A masochist will tell you that pain is the only way to prove that you're alive.